I ran across an article on wikipedia recently I found interesting. Instead, it touts itself as OCD without the outward manifestations and only “both the anxiety-inducing obsessions and relief-seeking compulsions of OCD take place in the mind.”
From Wikipedia:
Left untreated, Pure O can be debilitating to the sufferer, who often finds work and social time consumed by the condition. While OCD is an anxiety disorder, the longterm effects of its stress can include exhaustion and depression.
Recent developments in treatment of type “Pure O” OCD has been very successful, with improvement/remission rates of 90-100%, according to specialist on purely obsessive OCD Dr. Steven Phillipson, Dr. S. Rachman and others. New York based Phillipson in fact classifies “Pure O” as a psychological condition rather than a mental illness or disorder.
Pure O” is a highly treatable condition that can be cured, however it requires the right kind of professional treatment/therapy and an absolute determination to become better. Successful treatment ranges from 4-6 months (milder cases) to 1-2 years for the average case.
A person with Pure O experiences periods of intense rumination that are triggered by intrusive or unwanted thoughts, sometimes called “spikes.” Spike traits vary widely by individual, dictated by personal makeup and circumstance. Some frequently cited illustrations include:
- A heterosexual man is making love with his wife when the name of his male best friend happens to flash through his mind.
- A loving mother spots a pillow and has a momentary apprehension of infanticide.
- A young bachelor checks a mirror prior to a date and feels a surge of confidence, but shortly afterward cannot recall what exactly led to that feeling of pride.
- An aspiring painter glances at one of her works and experiences a sense of insecurity about her abilities.
- A son is eating a cake his mother made for him with great care and love. He suddenly gets an idea how nonsensical it would be to throw the cake into trash instead of enjoying it and then telling his mother that he enjoyed it.
- A passenger is waiting on a train platform while the train is coming. He has a thought of what if he did a sudden erroneous movement and fell under the train.
Of course, these instances are not unique to those with Pure O; they are the sorts of day-to-day emotions and quirks experienced by human beings across the board. And for most people, such thoughts are passing and benign; at worst, they are momentarily jarring. For the Pure-O sufferer, however, such thoughts can be the spikes that induce panicky obsession, leading to an amplified sense of fear or self-doubt.
To neutralize the perceived danger presented by the spike, the Pure O is compelled into rumination, an often intricate mental routine driven by a pressing need to “solve” the fear or uncertainty. Ruminations vary from person to person. One type of rumination may involve continually reconjuring an unpleasant scenario. Another example might be an effort to precisely recall the sequence and order of thoughts that led to the spike.
These ruminations can be highly scary. For the example with the train, the passenger would normally react with stepping back a bit to be more safe and forgets the matter. However a Pure O sufferer after stepping back starts worrying about what if these thoughts actually increase the probability that he makes the erroneous movement? After longer time he starts worrying about the time spent with these thoughts and starts worrying if persisent intrusive thoughts of this kind actually cannot cause him a temporary impulse of disabled judgment when the train comes next time and him jumping into the rails actively.
These ruminations are accompanied by anxiety ranging from mild to severe, and can endure for extensive stretches, often hours at a time. Sufferers have described episodes that persist over a series of days. In most every instance, the rumination is all-consuming, essentially taking full occupation of the mind. During rumination, sufferers often find themselves unable to turn their focus to anything else, including “legitimate” sources of stress or danger. For instance: Genuinely bad news — say, word of a friend’s hospitalization — may not trump or even penetrate the anxiety felt by an OCD sufferer who is ruminating on even a seemingly innocuous matter.
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Thank you, all of you. I now know I have pure-o. Thank God for this website, and for the internet!
Hi, I have pure-o for about a year now, I can surely say that with medication the obsessive thoughts have subsided – they are still there daily but I don’t put much emphasis on them, I don’t get scared by them too much.
I have to say that I never searched for information on the internet about my illness, but I’m glad I did. These comments have been comforting to me – thank you!
To all of you who are reading this I hope only the best, I can understand your pain may you find comfort and cure!
Hi all,
This is a wonderful website and I have definitely gotten some comfort from reading many of your posts!
I have had a history of Pure O that I can remember dating back to the freshman year of college. At that time, it arrived in the form of HOCD and it absolutely tormented me. The worst was that at that time, very little was known about Pure O, but medicine seemed to help me for awhile.
It went away until about 3 years ago. My life had gone downhill a little bit and I was starting to exhibit social anxiety and depression. Anyways, at the time, I met the girl of my dreams and fell in love! The only problem was that my obsessions turned into doubts about my relationship, doubts about loving her, worries about her past sexual history (albeit much less than mine), and worries about her having a little daughter!!
The hardest part about all of this is that I still care for her (she broke up with me a little while back), but the obsessions live on. I can step away from it sometimes and rationally say it is silly to worry about the past, but for some reason, it always knows how to get me again. Even to everyone that knew us, they all knew how much I cherished her and her little one!
Anyone have any advice? It is so hard to constantly think negatively about someone who means so much.
Thank you all for your comments regarding this nasty illness. Reading your stories has literally relieved my anxiety(temporarily of course) and I am grateful for all of you sharing them. As soon as my eyes open in the morning I wait for it to set in. The anxiety and the repetitive bullshit. I almost have a mental block on the thoughts, but they are there hiding and waiting for me to l et my guard down. The anxiety is nearly always there. Which is what I believe to be a vicious circle. The anxiety triggers the bullshit. The bullshit triggers the anxiety. (bullshit being repetitive bullshit thoughts) Well, then 5 minutes into my day they spring into action. I strike back saying “Fuck you brain, you’re wrong.” But alas, the harder you push, the crazier the bullshit gets. So after the intense anxiety that goes along with it, I’m nearly paralyzed, doing something else to keep my mind busy, like playing computer games, or watching TV or anything to just get my mind thinking other thoughts. And this can go on for hours on end, sometimes spikes that seem to last hours on end. And I think to myself is this ever going to stop? It’s been like 6 years, and it’s come and gone, but never permanently stopped.
L
I didn’t see many responses to your post but,
I’m kinda new to realizing that I have OCD, but have read a few books on it already, and am doing a lot better, but anyways
in one of the books I read called “coping with ocd”, it actually says that psychoanalysis treatment is bad for treating OCD.
I’m still new to understanding it, but I don’t think that you are supposed to reason with and interpret these thoughts, but just try to let them come and go. Well that is what that books have been telling me and its been helping.
I wanted to ask a question.
I’ve struggled with this for about 4 years since I was 18, and just realized about 2 weeks ago that i have this pure ocd. I’ve been reading books about obsessive thoughts and stuff, and its definitely helping. But i’m having trouble see where God fits in with all of this.
I was raised in christian schools and always believed in God but never really but too much thought into him until i developed ocd. i started thinking it was my fault for not following him, so i had been trying for a few years to follow him and find him so he could help me. I realize now that a lot of this was just fueling the ocd. I know that to help OCD i need to just let all these thoughts in and not try to control everything. But where does trying to be a good person fit in with letting everything in. If I’m trying to do what is right then won’t that make my OCD worse, and if i just give up and let everything go, then how can i be the man i want to be?
And you dont have to be religious to respond to this…ill take any advice i can get
daveyk,
Hello, thanks for your reply, I actually went with 2 psychoanalysts for a year and I have improved but I still feel extremely anxious is as if I did things because I have to not because I enjoy them. I do not want to go back to a psychoanalyst and I actually feel guilty for this. One question, which books have you read about ocd?
By the way, these websites might be of interest for you: it is about ocd and religion (scrupulosity) please read them¡
http://obsessive-compulsive-disorder.suite101.com/article.cfm/religious_ocd_why_its_different
http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson10.php
hey yall you all sound like great people and very understanding.
i have had the disorder it is actually in the sexual obessions one since i was fifteen about 5 years now. fear of being or becoming homosexual was my problem. every since i been a young kid ive always been attracted to women, not to mention a horn ball. but anyhow in my younger years i used to joke around with friends and stuff, saying you know im gay… your gay…. and try to act gay and stuff. one night i was young and stupid my mom had a little angle at front and you pray to it. and i was jokin around and said i wish to be gay. and as i was lying in bed that later on down the road i would question, am i gay, do i look gay, talk gay, walk gay. and it became a real problem to were it was in my head every day all day and all that i could think about. there was no way to stop it. then i would try to look back in my younger days and see if that might help and everything that actually happend was twisted by this sick ocd. then i would try to solve it like a puzzle every day, asking questions, and lookin in the past or yesterday if i did something gay or does he think im gay. to a point were all i was, was a huge ball of anxiety that anything could trigger it. i couldnt enjoy myself, have fun. i would pray to god every night to help me beat this…and as i would say gods name and pray gay would pop up or i would say for example if i say i wanna be happy it would be…… i wanna be gay. then it got so bad were i would picture this stuff and male parts that it made me sick i wanted to throw up. depression kicked in i was severaly depressed for a year. i litterally wanted to end myself. and put me out of my missery. i thought about suicide every night. i had bad anger, aggravated at the whole world. and i broke down cried for days on end. and i said this caint be normal i got on the internet and seen it was a real problem around the whole world. i went to the doctor set a appointment up and told her my problems. i felt awfull as if no one would believe me and as i told her my eyes would tear up. she new this was a real problem and it was not normal. so as we talked i told her everything and as i reseached it was a form of pure o also know as ocd. and she gave me a prescription to paxil. started at 20 now i at 40. the ocd is getting weakened and spikes occur time to time and then i will belive again time to time. cause it almost like i dont know what normal feels like anymore. but please to all you out there who are feeling these feelings and emotions i believe you all and have faith in you. by the way taking physchology could help aslo learning how the brain functions.
Paxil is a antideppresant. SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor).
due to being a antidepressant there is down falls it can make the disorder strenghthen from the start and cause suicidal thoughts. trust me yall just from reading the paper that came with it scared me. please watch your behavior and attitude but in time it will get better. mine is not completley curred but it has come a long way were i bear with it and try to be as strong as i can even ounce im weak. best way beat this disorder is to not fight it. trust me it will weaken it time but it will indeed put up a hard fight.
i am not a doctor please do not take my word on medicine and stuff full on because everything works differantely. but paxil is speciffically made for OCD.
god bless yall and take care. stay strong.
my name is steve donovan. if any of yall have any questing please feel free to ask i would love to help because i understand the pain it causes
I was diagnosed with OCD two months ago and it has transpired to be pure o. I had had some instances of obsessive thoughts when I was 11, but they soon disappeared as I was reassured that I was ok. However this year, during a bout of cabin fever caused by a little too intensive revision, the obsessions came back stronger than ever.
I’ve had thoughts of hurting people I know in various ways, but the disgust I felt from the thoughts assured me that I wouldn’t do anything so the thoughts soon went away.
However I’m plagued by blasphemous thoughts against God. I was so sure I would say something unforgivable that I have fallen asleep with my hand in my mouth. My main obsession is over losing my soul to/betting my soul with the devil, which is why I’m hesitant over ERP therapy as I’m terrified that if I think I’d give my soul away then it will actually happen. A chaplain has assured me that I’ll be ok, but I still feel scared.
I want to feel normal again. I can’t play games and find doing work very difficult. I love reading, but I can’t even do that anymore as my obsessions can occur as often as two minutes apart. I’m on medication, but it’s done nothing but made me unable to get up any earlier than 11am.
Has anyone suffered similarly to me or have any advice?
I am 40 now. struggled with pure o since i was 18. sometimes it would go away, but come back. right now its better, i am scared though, that it will get worse again. Why worry if you’ll go to hell, if you’re already there?
My thoughts are there, but i don’t dwell on them as i used to.
Anyways, since i had no clue that i wasnt the only one having this problem, i would like to ask some questions about the anxiety, if that are typical symptoms. I get easely annoyed. Everything and anything can annoy me. And also i ve been wondering where these thoughts come from, mostly distrust torce men that i have relationships with, since no men ever did something bad to me. And i have mail friends who’m i trust.
I think 24/7 and can’t figure out where these horrible thoughts come from.
I was recently diagnosed with OCD traits. I am not compulsive so much as that I ruminate about the same thing. For the past two years, I have been plagued by thoughts of an ex-boyfriend from years ago. It seems that I found his name on the internet and he appears to be fairly successful in his profession. I became obssessed with the fact that I had broken off the relationship with this man years ago. I wrote to him once and he wrote back, and then I wrote him again and he never wrote back. He is married and has children. I understand why he has not written back, but I still think about him every waking moment, he is the first thought I have when I wake up and the last thing I think about at night. None of this makes any sense, I’m currently married with children of my own.
Sometimes I fantasize about finding out where he lives and just watch him come in and out of his house. I know I wouldn’t do this, but I plan it out in my head. I keep thinking I will pass him on the highway on my commute to and from work but he lives far away in a different state. I have tried everything to get the thought of him out of my mind, but it just won’t go away. It is pure torture. I don’t know why I am so stuck on thoughts of him but it colors my entire life. I currently am on Zoloft and Wellbutrin for clinical depression which has helped the depression but not the obssessive thinking. I don’t know what kind of therapy would rid myself of thoughts of him. Otherwise I’m a pretty reasonable person.
hi,
Did you try CBT?….Try doing CBT which will help you in not obsessing over all thoughts that you get in your mind. It comes with poractise.
To start with try to find a good psychotherapist and discuss about this. there may be an underlying mal adaptive belief thats triggering such thoughts. Sometimes it takes a trial and error method to find a good therapist.
Also Try Yoga to relax your physical body. else 45 to 60 mins of walking will do to give some exercise to your body.
Interesting to come across this site. I’m currently 25 and have suffered with this for about 7 years. It actually started out with me getting glasses/contacts. I became obsessive, mostly because I did not realize how unclear I had seen before. It wasn’t the fact that I had gotten glasses and they improved my vision though; it was more that I would close one eye, and then the other, testing to make sure there wasn’t a bit of difference. Rubbing my teeth to make sure they had not changed, or moved constantly after getting my braces off, etc. Sounds strange I know. Then someone I knew died and it became more of a mental rumination about life, afterlife, god, spirtuality. I would repetitively think the thoughts over and over again. I would also think about series, faces, things, etc. that I looked up too, such as people etc. I actually studied psycology in college, leisurely and not as a part of my degree and knew my symptoms lied close to OCD. I finally got the urge to begin looking for answers and came across pure-o ocd. I know that my rumination is nothing like any others that I have heard, nor is it horrible things, however it is strange. It can last hours, and hours. I seem highly functional to those around me because I am a go getter, but the reality is I almost do my job on auto pilot and ruminate constantly on these irrational thoughts. On the right, I have a great sense of self and what I beleive in, while on my left I drive myself nuts with these obsessive thoughts. It changes with age, location, situation; but something always feels the void. I might here someone who stutters real bad, and then obsessively ruminate about that happening to me thought I have good speach, write well, and love to talk to people. I might worry about something sexual, like STDS and though I am with only one person and know I have nothing… I still can get in modes that last weeks worrying and ruminating about having and STD. I am just giving examples. If I see someone who I think is awful, I will start imagining them and worrying about being like that or turning into that. It has truly been an awful condition to deal with. It basically hendered me in college and life in general. I used to be able to study and be done quicker then most. Now I have to set aside extra time just to account for trying to avoid rumination and obsessive thoughts. External, physical OCD hardly exists with me now, occaisonally I’ll do it but for the past 4-5 years it’s been completely obsessional. My routines I do that I think improve the situation just reinforce it. I did have a year, last year actually, where I had it still, but kind of put a mental block on it somehow. I moved and somehow fell back into it bad. I have an amazing girlfriend, she kind of knows, I mean I try to be honest with her even though it is embarrassing to me. It doesn’t really hender me though. if i didn’t tell someone I could hide it well. I don’t know what to do. It’s nice to see these recent post, and I’ve done my fair share of research suggesting CBT etc. I feel that with my background and knowlege I shouldn’t need therapy to tell me this is stupid and just to stop. I feel like I could do it and sometimes I will get in good rotuines and hold it off, but it almost always comes back. Usually the most free I feel from it are when I am studying something I am passionate about, or doing something fun with my girlfriend… but even in these times I am usually ruminating and just off somewhere else I don’t want to be. Sometimes I breath deep and realize how much I let pass me by while doing this. All these beautiful things around us, and these real life stresses like money, finances, family, etc. and it feels like the random rumination takes precident to the real important things. I would love to find a way to correct this condition for me and for others. I am back in school studying for pharmacology/pre-med so I can take the MCAT but I am truly thinking about changing my focus to psychiatry, if I can get the mental rumination to stop enough to get through school. It’s complicated and it’s been nice to vent.
yall hang in there this is a mind game do not try to look back and try to find out why this is happenging or what brought it up. it is clearly a physcological disorder called pure o’ i would not personally do therapy it does not work(again my opion a waste of time and money, them people dont have it like us so they no nothing about it,and what is going on. they will say it is you true inner thoughts, or disires. clearly they are idiots you dont obessisivly think of your worst night mare 24/7 that causes your anxiety to spike and cause attact, heart palpatlation, loss of breathe, tired brain, overactive brain, sweeting, nervous, i could go on and on. i am a patient diagnosed since 08, i have had it my whole life just bottle everything up. to were it would eat me alive i couldnt do anything without panic attacks, depression, constant nagging and irrational thoughts that werent my true feeling or desires a million miles and hour all day everyday. then i started thinking of suicide and my mind obbessed over killing myself were i was even afraid of hearing or seeing guns and knifes cause my mind say (shooot yourself, do it dont be a pussy, you aint worth living anyhow, shit like that. till i gainded my heart, my soul, my mind, and me. i say if i was mentally beaten adn battered as a kid, and mentally abused put in a mental institution for 2 years cause a stepmom set me up and say i try to kill her, and kids. with no one to visit me. my mom didnt have custody so she new nothing about it. so one day my bio dad drop me off ater trying to put me up for adoption, he left me in the parkin lot of my moms and now dad (step-dad but hate calling him that)my life is good now since the abusive crap, so i say if i can beat that then i can do anything stay strong, stay tuff, and dont fight the obsession that its fuel. i believe it is a test of will from god. now i am almost cured life is awsome so if i can do it on just 40 mg of paxil, and use my own knowledge to beat it. yall can do anything.
any questions, anthing let me know i would be more then welcome to give advise and my knowledge with pure o’ as a patient.
Thank you Murgan…I’m not sure what CBT is, but I will find out. I did go to a therapist and spoke about this “o” that I have and she told me I am focused on this ex-boyfriend to distract myself from focusing on fixing the things in my current life (marital issues). She may be right. I have been thinking to going back to school (I am a nurse) to get a masters degree in teaching. I think I need to improve my self-esteem.
I’m 17 and I have the fear of being or becoming gay and I hate it so much….I’m never happy anymore like at all…the thoughts feel so real…and sometimes I think what if I am gay…what if I do like girls…and it scares me cause that’s not why I want…I would rather die than have to be attracted to girls…I have a bf that I love but these thoughts r telling me I don’t love him and that I want a girl in my life when I know that I don’t…I’ve had hocd for a while now…but it’s been really bad since like may or june…I wish I could get help but my parents wouldn’t let me…I tried telling them about my OCD once but they said it’s just a stage in my life and I’ll get over it…but I feel as if it will never go away…I’ve been like extremely depressed this past month…I wanna die…I wish I could be happy again and not have to worry about this..I want it to go away…I’m not happy at all idk what to do anymore
Hi there, still having ruminations about ex but learning to live with it. I’ve accepted the fact that I can’t make myself stop thinking about someone or something. Sometimes it is torture to have the same instrusive thoughts over and over again. It gets so tiring. But I did see a therapist who theorized that I think about this person as a way of avoiding issues in my present life. That it’s a distraction that keeps me from making changes. I kind of agree, but I think some of it is brain chemistry because I remember being obssessive in my thinking since I was a child. I remember having neurotic thoughts in kindegarten. I do take walks, and find exercise helps alleviate the anxiety. Medications don’t seem partiuclarly effective in blocking thoughts. I take an antidepressant, and it helps with depression and energy.
Hi Toekneean. I can understand you, when you have no support from your famkily. Maybe you should focus on other things not about just girls and boys? I mean not just trying to not to think about them but doing something that is interesting for you
? For example my hobby is music and philosophy. ?
I am concerned by some of the posts on here. tbh i forgot i signed up for this site, but notice some particuarly not healthy recommendations etc. people should totally go and see a pschiatrist if they are worried. any obsession that takes up more than an hour of mental argument a day is really OCD. i can take bout a year to get free. ERP, not particaully cbt but dont worry about it if you’re new.
but ask about ERP!
i had very extreme pure O and i know all about the anxiety levels involved. near constant obsessions mean as destructive as skitzo definetly.
the obsessions this article talk about are the most common, HOWEVER it DOES NOT MATTER it COULD BE ANY OBSESSION. the LEVEL of DESTRUCTION is the same. ive had some benign obsessions that have brought up the same amount of dread despair and destraction. people outside the loop cant uinderstand. BUT a psychiatrist can.
and check out Stuckinadoorway. com, some experienced sufferers on there. but DO NOT, as a first step DO NOT go looking for re-assurance to your obsession. STOP trying to solve it, answer it. this becomes easier with time and the feeling lessens.
GOOD LUCK.
,,basiclay is my thoughts ,i cant control it ,an image of someone or something ,or it may be a momory ,that would suddally pop into my head ,,and i feel the urge to think og somethin else totally opposite of teh image or the momory,,i think that if i left the thought or memory as it is in my head ,it woukld affect me in someway bad, sometimes i woul have to count to 5 ,,or click my fingers.i dont know what to do anymore,. at this very moment while typing this message thought of the past ,,mostly of places ,,is in my head ,,and i cant get it out ,,i am trying to think of ,,parris ,,because it a better place than image help me before i
I’ve never been officially diagonsed with pure-O, but I am convinced that I have it. I’ve always had a tendency to ruminate on things as far back as I can remember. My obsession is the fear that I could be a pedophile. I’ve had this obsession for about a year. I feel awful just writing this.
I had horrible sexually inappropriate images that would come up out of nowhere and go on and on,and was afraid that I would lose control and act on my obsession. Deep down though, I knew that I would NEVER touch a child. EVER! The thought of touching a child disgusted and horrified me. I also know deep down that I am NOT attracted to children and NEVER will be.
I would spend hours engaged in intense mental arguments with myself trying to reassure myself that I wasn’t a pedophile. Relief would come, but it would be short lived, and the obsession would come back stronger than ever.
Sometimes, I would steal quick glances at kids to make sure that I wasn’t aroused by them. (I never was.) That was one of my compulsions.
The fear that I was turning into a pedophile soon occupied my every waking moment. Even when I tried to do something else like reading or watching t.v. the obsession was always in the back of my mind. I also started avoiding my cousins and anywhere that kids could be found. I nearly had a panic attack when I spotted a kid at the zoo one time.
These thoughts make me feel guilty, ashamed, and depressed. I’ve even begun to consider killing myself to rid my mind of the this horrible obsession and the pain it brings. Please don’t be judgemental. Writing this was very hard to do.
Emily and Eugene,
This is just your OCD (brain’s anatomy) – which can be changed thru reverse actions – like correcting your reactions to your thoughts and later the anxiety/reactions to those thoughts sublime.
Try reading BRAIN LOCK by Jeffry schwartz, heal and help your nerves by claire weekes. – both gives you techniques and methods to identify ocd thoughts and normal thoughts and suggest you ways to manage OCD. Jeffry claims that, as you correct (not easy but definitly possible) your anxious reactions to your thoughts, you will change the brain chemistry istelf – thats what science has discovered today as neuroplasticity.
Also according to yogic philosophy, you r not ur thots.
CBT helps a lot. Try to meet a psychologist who can offer CBT. (not just any psychologist)
Hello,
I’ve been reading this website and I’ve notice the pure o that everyone suffers and I can relate to it. I’ve had this mental bs since 8 years old after a tramatic event happen to me as a kid. Since than I’ve been obsessing about being afraid of being gay,child molester, doing things with my sister and also being afraid of dieing. I hate these thought I feel like I’m going Insane. I have problems with my girlfriend cause everything annoys me. Sometime I feel like I want to murder everyone around me just cause I feel so annoyed, and that also scares me. But everytime I read these website it makes me feel better for a little while. It makes me feel not alone. So thank everyone and this website for being up. I’ve read plenty of good advice that I will try to take but going to a shrink and drink pills will be my last resort. YAY FISH OIL.
Emily, Toekneean and the others,
I really felt your pain reading your posts because I’ve had something similiar (more violent thoughts/worries) and I’ve never been suicidal. At the height of my anxiety and Pure O I also thought about killing myself. It was just HORRIBLE bc I had no idea what I had. When I got diagnosed it relieved me so much. They say people with Pure O would never do the things they fear because they are actually *worried* about it. If you are a sociopath or pedophile, these people *don’t* worry, they just do these horrible things. So please be assured that you very likely do have Pure O and it IS treatable. You may notice other areas of your life you obsessively worry about things. I’ve been in and out of therapy in short bursts and it has helped me tremendously – even just to understand what is going on. I went to an OCD specialist – Dr. Stephen Philipson – based in NYC. I live in London so did phone calls with him. He’s great and really knows his stuff. He’ll really push you to question the thoughts you think are “real” into believing they are actually OCD thoughts. It’s really hard and you have to trust him bc these thoughts seem so real.
Agree with walker, don’t go looking for reassurance, web research etc… as that just makes the problem worse. I have obsessed about my partner cheating on me and I have spent hours, days, weaks doing research on how to know if a partner will cheat. We’ve been together for 4 years and plan to get married. All of that research, speaking with people – has done nothing to reassure me and sometimes there are things in life that we can “predict” or “know”. I just need to trust that if something happens, I’ll deal with it at the time. Life is uncertain and we with Pure O just have to learn how to deal with it! I could write for ages bc I know how awful this disease can be. I’ve had times of despair but luckily, going through therapy and understanding it a bit more has helped me tremendously and when it’s in control, I’m generally a very happy person. The only thing I can say is GET HELP! Read the books “Imp of the Mind.” It’s really good. Good luck everyone and hang in there. There will be good days and bad days.
Hello,
I was diagnosed with OCD about 5 years ago. Medicine has made the violent thoughts practically disappear, but I find myself obsessing about any little worry. It’s like it gets into a downward spiral and I’ll think about it for hours and hours and then finally I’m out of it and poof! It’s like magic that it’s over. I normally will obsess about the same worry for several weeks until I find a new worry that takes over my mind. I can’t stand it!!! Are any of your moods controlled by your obsessions? I can become really depressed depending on how much or frequently I am obsessing. Stress also makes it much worse. I feel like no matter what, even though the violent thoughts are much better, that the obsessing never stops! I just want to be normal!! Is there hope ? Do any of you obsess about your Pure O?
Dear Emily and PTC,
I really identified with your posts. Thank you!! Maybe this is just what I need.. to find and meet other people that are going through similar situations. Emily, I have also had suicidal thoughts wanting to end the obsessions, but I know I would not do that… of course I still obsess and worry thinking, oh great I’m crazy, what if I really lose control and do it.. feeling so down, makes me then obsess about the fear of being bipolar or something worse. PTC, I very much relate to your fears of your significant other being unfaithful. That is my number one obsession.. is he unfaithful? If we are going to get divorced should we just do it now and get over with it.. over and over again. It makes our marriage much harder. I am trying to nip it in the bud, but it is a daily/weekly battle to not let those thoughts and fears of infidelity or being trapped with the wrong person or in a bad marriage forever go away.
Thanks to all of you for sharing. It feels comforting to not be alone. I need a support group for bad days like this!!
I’ve read practically all the comments to this article and just keep nodding my head. I’ve not been officially diagnosed with Pure O, but I feel a sense of camaraderie with everyone’s experiences.
I grew up in a religious home, and in high school became very religious myself. My senior year I began to constantly question whether or not I was truly “saved”. I was afraid that I’d committed the “unforgivable sin”, and constantly prayed to be forgiven and saved. I would wake up in the middle of the night with a thought that I had to deny Christ — it freaked me out, and I would begin to pray and read the bible, sometimes feeling better, but the thoughts would usually come back. I imagined hell, and was so afraid I was going there. I thought about it constantly.
Eventually, after a few years, the anxiety about going to hell stopped — gradually. I had to accept as fact that I couldn’t know one way or the other — give up control of the issue. At some point I stopped believing in hell, not for theological reasons, but because I couldn’t believe in it and stay sane.
Fast forward a couple of years and another constant worry started. This time I worried that I was a lesbian. I had several close friends who were gay, and had become a pretty liberal gay-right supporting advocate. Then all of a sudden I find myself questioning my own sexuality, analyzing every thought in my head, going back over my entire life history of attraction, and looking for clues to tell me one way or another. The fact that I have been in serious romantic love with men didn’t seem to ease my anxiety — I worried that I was hiding my true self, that I had hidden prejudices about gay people so that was why I hadn’t admitted I was gay to myself before. I constantly thought about it. I freaked out when talking with my boyfriend, and began to analyze all my actions and feelings towards him, whether or not they were ‘heterosexual’ and real. I would constantly go through my “story” to myself.
I still have “what if I am secretly gay” spikes, but they are beginning to be manageable. The only way I have been able to handle it is to decide that I may very well have secret attractions to women too, that I am a complex person. I’ve thrown around the label bisexual, to try and give peace to my mind.
Now, I’m having additional concerns and worries. I am getting married in three months to someone I love dearly in. Someone who knows all about my anxieties and my worries and loves me the way I am. Someone I have so much fun being with. But now I’m worrying about everything. I worry that he isn’t “the one”, I worry that I’ll regret this decision, that I’m making the wrong decision. Then I hear comments from well meaning people such as “if you have any doubts, don’t get married”. These comments freak me out more — what if I shouldn’t get married?! But I WANT to get married! What if this is a mistake?
My fiance knows of my worries, but I don’t think he realizes the extent and amount I think about these things. It doesn’t help that I am a lawyer and do a lot of family law — every time someone calls asking for a divorce I freak out in my mind.
I recognize that my constant analyzing is similar to my old worries of going to hell, and of being a lesbian. But it is so hard to see them as “Pure O”, and not as a real issue I need to deal with. What if I’m just using this Pure O as a mask to an issue I’m trying to avoid?
I am thinking about going to see a counselor. I have other anxiety issues as well, and they just seem to be getting worse. I’m just afraid the counselor will either not believe me, or confirm my worries. Example: I am going to hell, I am a lesbian, and I should not be getting married.
Hi all,
Firstly I’d just like to say that you’re all really quite brave in talking about your problems. Kudos to all of you. It should certainly be acknowledged that we with ‘Pure O’ experience our own personal hell with varying intensities and at different times of our lives.
I have Pure O and I certainly find it to be hell sometimes. I have almost finished my Bachelor of Arts degree in psychology, and I started full-time work at a psychiatric ward for people who are experiencing acute psychiatric ‘breakdowns’ – typically people with schizophrenia and severe anxiety – or both.
Anyway, long story short, engaging with these psychotic and neurotic people led me to a relapse with my OCD. Being around them triggered a lot of stuff for me. I see an amazing psychiatrist who helps me deal with my obsessions and I take Luvox, which is an SSRI that helps serotonin (a neurotransimtter that typically is lacking in we OCD sufferers) become absorbed easier in the brain.
I had started obsessing about “How things were going to work to be managed in the future when I relapse” and it really got me down. Currently I’m quite depressed about it, and it’s led me to seek out career paths that require minimal interaction with other people as I find talking to others to be quite tiring and time-consuming, as well as awkward ocassionally, despite people telling me I’m not bad at social interaction – I guess I’m not – I just prefer to live in my head!
This depresses me because I’ve for the longest time had dreams of becoming a psychologist and helping other people. Reality is I just find it frustrating, boring and tiring being around other people. When I get like this, I need to write things down (this is one of my compulsions, so I guess I’m not entirely a “Pure” obsessional guy). I’m looking in to doing research in psychology instead.
Anyway. I have a wonderful girlfriend who loves me so much and who supports me a great deal. I’m also exceptionally lucky to have parents who are supportive and provide a place for me to relapse “comfortably” (Ha!) until I get back on my feet. The road is long with Pure O, guys, this much is true. I struggle with this illness from a philosophical/ existential perspective sometimes. For instance, how is one supposed to appreciate that, occassionally, we’ll lose our minds experiencing intense anxiety and doubts, fears, and ruminations that make us feel so horrible? It just seems like a whole lotta suffering for little reason. And even utilising proven techniques is time-consuming. Imagine having to “watch your thoughts and keep tabs on your OCD for the rest of your life”! What kind of life is that?! It truly is unfortunate, and that people with mental illness in general speaks to the structurally violent nature of society – those with a ‘healthy’ mind can go on to gain monetary and social wealth whereas those of us with an illness struggle to appreciate a basic sanity.
Sigh. I have found that Luvox helps. All this said, my bitch of a brain will sometimes lapse in to an anxoius ‘superhighway’ of ruminations and negative thougths which I become bogged down in. And to all of you who’ve had fears of becoming a pedophile, don’t worry, I’ve had that fear too. How scary and painful and horrifying is it thinking that you’re a pedophile? It’s the pits, because it closes doors to you on so many levels. You think you’ll never be able to have kids, never be able to engage with other people, you fear jail, you fear everything. It’s truly horrible and I’m sorry to hear that, for those of you experiencing it.
Reality is that if a person worries so intensely about whether or not they’ll molest a child, they’re almost certainly likely NOT to. Pedophiles do not show remorse, nor do they worry about the damage they’ve done or the hurt they’ve caused, as you likely do over the thoughts you experience. I say breathe a sigh of relief, it’s something your mind has decided to latch on to currently, possibly due to other triggers that are causing you anxiety in your life right now.
Ideally, I think the point is to try and appreciate the OCD thoughts and gather some perspective on them. What is happening in your life right now to lead your brain to worry (often times the content of your fears/ruminations is not the problem, it’s simply that you’re ruminating to begin with!). For me, for instance, I am finishing my degree and I’d started full-time work. I had also moved out of home in the last 12 months, celebrated my 1 year anniversary with the love of my life, had my best friend move to England, and experienced a stressful job. These are the sorts of turning points in one’s life that would make anyone stressed and a little anxious. Take note of what’s happening in your life. The OCD sometimes will be referential, as in it will manifest in the form of a worry about something practical (I worried about “how things will work out in my future due to my illness) and sometimes they just won’t be (worrying about being a pedophile for us, thankfully, is not a practical worry and is likely the result of a lack of knowledge and insight in to the illness and the way it works.).
I’d love to hear what other people think about the existential dilemma of having Pure O. That is, how we’re supposed to appreciate and cope with a life of occasional and intense anxiety. We literally go mad from time to time – it’s a hell not many people get to appreciate. We’re a strong bunch though, I think, and that shouldn’t be forgotten. The ugly monster that is OCD can taunt you and invade all aspects of your mind, and because of this, we’re strong. Endurance, strength and courage is not a symptom listed in the DSM-IV for people with OCD but it bloody well should be!
Kind regards, and peace (of mind!)
Dan
I’ve had OCD for as long as I can remember.. I even had suicidal thoughts before.. but I found a cure for myself.. it may not apply to everyone.. but I confronted the “devil” in me who’s trying to make me suffer.. that “Me” in me is my biggest enemy.. YOU ARE YOUR BIGGEST ENEMY.. fight it.. talk to yourself.. first you have to accept your OCD thoughts as yourself.. denying it wont do you any good.. because the thoughts stemed from you.. it must be from you.. but it is just NOT the you that you want to be.. and then you tell yourself that you will be defeated.. because you have a hero in you and that hero will fight “you” and that hero wont give up at all.. The hero will persevere till the very end and you may not die instantaneously but you will die slowly, painfully and surely.. confront it with anger.. you have to be cruel to “yourself”.. fight it with your “good side” .. just kill it! it works for me.. humans are made to have flaws.. don’t deny those flaws.. accept them and confront them.. God wants us to stand up for ourselves even if the biggest enemy is INDEED OURSELVES.
I think I have Pure OCD. I remembered something when I was a young child and then I got an anxiety attack from then on my life changed. I began thinking that I could become a pedophile. I have always loved children I wanted to become a teacher but these constant “what if” thoughts which lead to unexpected images have caused me to change my mind. I try to fight the thoughts by doing the opposite I would still interact with children to somehow let my mind know that I am not this kind of person but nothing has changed. I have told my boyfriend about it to some extent but I will feel ashamed to tell him the total truth.
My life has totally come to a complete stop and I don’t know what to do anymore. I try to tell myself that I am not this way over and over again but it does not help. I am always mentally tired because I spend so much time thinking, reassuring and calming myself down. I would never hurt a child like that in anyway I would hurt myself before I do something like that. I understand your pain emily I have been going through this for ten months and I to have thought about ending my life.
I am a christian and I know our pain will come to an end.
Hey everyone. I’m also a Pure O sufferer and I completely understand absolutely everything you’ve been saying and feel your pain. I know how this (little known) disorder can come to dominate your every thought and destroy your life and your happiness. I understand how every day becomes a torment, how you can’t function or get through even a single hour without being tortured relentlessly. It’s the worst thing in the world, and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody.
Thing is, it doesn’t have to stay that way. I found out about Pure O entirely by chance, at a point in my life when I couldn’t bear to go on any more. And it IS treatable, if you find out the correct method. I’m improving all the timeIt’s called ERP, and it works, if you stick with it. Now I’m not a psychiatrist, so I can’t exactly give you a perfect account of what’s involved, but it basically involves letting the thoughts come and go, without trying to neutralise them or get rid of them. Another important part of treatment is deliberately seeking out situations where your OCD will be at its very worst, which again sounds just a little crazy. It seems impossible at first, but you’ll gradually find that you won’t spend hours every day obsessing. You don’t have to respond to obsessional thoughts at all.
Please take the time to check out this website; it helped me very much. http://www.ocdonline.com/index.htm
And buy a book about OCD. It’ll help. You can get your life back, if you’re willing to work hard at it.
I have suffered from Pure O since I was twelve years of age. Fears of just snapping have consumed my mind for years. I finally sought out help and rarely let these thoughts control my life anymore. Individuals need to be aware that this is a mental disease and help is available. No matter how impossible you may think it is to heal from this terrible disorder, it is possible. Help is out there! Don’t be afraid to seek it! You can have your life back!
Ive Been Dealing With Pure OCD for About 5 years now,It started At The Age of 15 a sudden onset of panic and fear came over me, i wasnt sure what it was unti,l i learned it was a panic attack, later manifested into pure ocd.I know its tough to keep confident when all day long your mind makes you doubt yourself and be tormented by distressing thoughts,what i lean was knowledge is power the more i researched the more i began to understand this disorder and found a small portion of relief.I try to keep myself occupied to “brush” my thoughts away. i do not believe in pharmaceutical drugs because they make you dependent on them,keep strong faith and believe in yourself eventhough you might feel the world is against you
I have been a sufferer of POCD for about 10 years. Actually it was only in the past 12 months that i managed to self-diagnose as such, having for many years variously attributed my psychological and physiological symptoms more generally to depression and generalised anxiety. The main themes of my POCD center around sexuality, infidelity, i have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 7 years, and what i would call general pessimism about people to whom i am close. I find that i tend to flip between obsessions, for example for extended periods i can obsess about being Gay and go to great lengths to understand my conflicting feelings about sexuality. At other times, like at the moment i am preoccupied with negative feelings about my partner, and find that i am bombarded by imagery of ending the relationship or being unfaithful. I tend to hone in on what i perceive as character flaws in my partner which then trigger emotional spikes of guilt/fear etc.
I chose to write today, not to offer any particular insight, as many of you seem to have a deep understanding of the difficulties posed by this sometimes debilitating condition. However, it just struck me as i was reading through the posts that in some ways researching POCD and subscribing to forums like these has for me become a kind of anxiety relieving ritual. Would anyone share this opinion about their own motivations for posting?
Hi everyone. I almost feel foolish to write on this site, because it seems unlikely that anyone will respond.
I identify strongly with this disorder but I am unsure if this is really the one I have. I’ve definitely got something, that’s for sure, but my symptoms don’t match these EXACTLY. I ruminate on things and can’t seem to let go, mostly with guilt and self-worth. Other things are hard to let go of as well. Do my symptoms match this or would it be a more general obsessive disorder? I definitely don’t have traditional OCD.
At last i got to know what exactly ive been sufferring from.I visited a certain Psychiatrist n told me it GAD was not contented aand had to search the web. Eventually got to this site
Listen pure o OCD can be cured.
Pure o OCD is just fear.. it is not the real you. It is the opposite of you. People with pure o are always the most sensitive nice people. It is the fear which ruins them. I understand the mental pain behind it. But it is just fear.
God is universal. God can read all our minds. There are no secrets. None of you should feel scared. Anyone off the street should be able to read eachother’s minds. You should have nothing to hide if you just have fear. There is no pleasure in fear, pure o just produces pain.. don’t give in to it, everything about it is wrong, it is error, a lie, not the real you, it can be eliminated and destroyed. They are just thoughts you will never actually go out and hurt someone. Don’t let the pure o convince you into what it wants.. it will try and let you believe in those fears (people then start checking themself etc and believing in their pure o fears are true) it is a horrible mental illness, pure o is NOT true people with pure o deep down KNOW THIS. Pure o just produces pain. people who hurt, attack, sexually assault people are the OPPOSITE of pure o they don’t get pain or feel bad from what they do they don’t have pure o they are actually sick people not the people with pure o.. people with pure o are the most sensitive moral people it’s a shame the fears cause them so much pain. God knows the real us. Don’t be scared by your fears. They are just fears.. pure o does the exact opposite of what you actually are. Don’t feel bad of having pure o it just means you fear bad things i know it’s a horrible thing to have but at the end of the day it is just fears and your pure o is not the real you. People with pure o you know what your real self is it is GOOD, don’t let the fears hurt, damage, lie or cause anymore pain to you, don’t get self doubts from your fears, fear is not reality. Cast out the fear, get rid of it. You can destroy the fear. Love cures all. God bless.
Hi to everyone,
Finally a relief from OCD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Not a cure…but a great way to manage it with 100% fool-proof.
I was under CBT and homeopath medicines…all this were just giving me a reactive approach to OCD’s symptoms….Homeopathy medicines are infact giving me a confidence that some day I will be relieved from OCD…
But the true instrument is MINDFUL-MEDITATION. I underwent a pranayama yoga course and in that they taught meditation which is just a 15-min period when I just have to observe the thoughts without any judgement. I might sound very idealistic. the problem with OCD is that it doesn’t allow us to be non-judgmental…ifact in pure o, we become the thoughts themselves. My guru told me that just switch off the intelect and observe all thoghts/doubts without any anxiety. When I practised this, I realized I could not stop being anxious, later I understood to even watch the anxiety as just another entity in my mind. Later my guru told that my intention to not to let anxiety ios what causing more anxiety. He asked me to accept every thing in my mind, right from small sounds to bizzare thoughts (porn, sexual, panic, incestual thoughts)….every thing. Then I understood to just watch everything and realized that mind is just a tool to act in this Life.
I still might hace tendancy to become OCD…the meditation right now helps me in just refreshing my mind..like it erases the anxiety….I become anxious due to some experiences in my day to day life. But meditation just helps me to accept that. The mantra is OKAY to be NOT OKAY.
Just wanted to share
Pure-O is not a “weaker” kind of OCD … that’s actually a little offensive to say. It can be incredibly debilitating. It just may be harder for others to spot.
its all OCD and its very real. if you relate go see a consultant psychiatrist say anything that you want.
a bit in this article, that was written in 2006 (i wish i had found it then).
pulled at me just now, at the end where it says the rumination thing takes priority over real disasters. unless youve experienced this it is really hard to get the debilitation of ocd. its beyond reason, beyond what you think you are.
freedom in bliss, as you become free you can start to work on your self.
seek out help, dont stop till you find it, and then keep going, beat the depression underneath too, with a self worth journey.
its done, i am on the last hurdle looking down on my ocd, which has nearly been completely demolished. it takes patience but keep the faith and you’l get there
o yea an take the meds. chlomi[pramine on a higher dosage is really great, see past the drowsiness and use it as a tool, a v big one on the journey
Hello – wrote here about a year ago and am checking back. Having intrusive obssessional thoughts can produce such suffering and mental anguish. Someone wrote above about working in the psychiatric field. I also work in a psychiatric hospital, and see the worse cases of OCD, and people with bip0lar disorder with psychotic features, which is not the same as schizophrenia. Similar to “Pure O”, I see people suffer from debilitating mood swings and extreme paranoia. It’s scary because I am inwardly obssessed with thinking about an ex-boyfriend. I have written about this before. It’s basically my only obssessive thought, I continue to suffer from the weight of thinking about him. I do not do anything to act on my feelings, but I do constantly check out his name on google, because he had written some scientific articles that got published. I don’t understand the articles but I will read them, just to see that his name is on the article.
I have turned to substance abuse ocasionally to wipe out the thoughts of this guy. I know that’s bad.
The only thing I have learned to deal with this thought that won’t leave is to accept it and let it reside in my mind without judging it. It’s kind of like learning to deal with chronic pain. I do try to meditate with relaxing music and practicing mindfulness, when you just watch your thoughts float by.
Another thing I learned about myself is I derive pleasure from thinking about this guy and the past when I had this kind of young innocence, since he was my real first love. I think I am really focused on the past, and going back to that time. I try to keep constantly busy, work a full time job, going to school to get my bachelors degree, have hobbies of gardening and making jewelry – have even thought about starting an online jewelry business. But at the end of the day, I still think about this guy. I am so pathetic.
Doubts are more cruel than the worst of truths. Molière
I have suffered from Pure O for a very long time and all I can say is that it is the most dibilitating thing in the world, for me anyhow, of course I knowing nothing else. However, from the moment that I wake up, to the moment I drop my head on the pillow to nod off at night, the mind is on constant overtime, thinking about scenarios not going quite right, and because of that me thinking about everything too much. I has truly raped me, and I use the word because it’s just about as grosse as that, of my personality, even though I keep it in check from time to time. A horrid thing, really and truly.
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